The Spiritual Impact of Abuse on Children

Child abuse violates every aspect of a child s life their world, their self, their future and their faith. We know this from both the research literature and clinical experience. A child is, by definition, in process. Children are vulnerable, dependent and easily influenced. They do not know very much and are learning how relationships work, what is good, what is bad, what I means to be male or female. They are developing in every way and anything growing can be shaped. We believe good nutrition is Important for our children because what they consume will affect their bodies not only now but also when they are adults. Raising children in an environment of love, truth, wisdom and patience shapes their characters. Raising children in an environment of fear, evil, deceit and pain shapes their characters as we will.

*Profound Learning*
The effects of ongoing sexual abuse on the life of a child and on their adult future are, needless to say, profound. Those of us who have worked with adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse know that one of the areas that are profoundly impacted by that abuse is the survivor’s relationship to God. We have also had the experience of teaching a much-needed truth to someone and recognizing that it would not go in the truth somehow does not penetrate. It is a common clinical observation among abuse victims that truth may be assented to intellectually, but it does not seem to enter the life and heart in a transforming way. I would like to suggest three reasons why that might be so. I will then offer some thoughts about how we might help those we are working with to experience the truths they can often so easily recite.

*Frozen Thinking*
The first block in this obstacle seems to be that survivors thinking often appear to be frozen in time. A woman who was chronically abused by her father for fifteen years thinks about herself, her life and her relationships through the grid of abuse. Trauma stops growth because it shuts everything down. It brings death. The input of other experiences often does not alter the thinking that originated within the context of the abuse. So a woman may have encountered many trustworthy people since her childhood abuse, but she still does not trust. She may have heard thousands of words about how God loves her, but she believes she is trash and somehow an exception to that truth.

*Concrete Thinking*
The second block is that the abuse was processed by a child mind and children think concretely, not abstractly. Children learn about abstract concepts like trust, truth and love, from the concrete experiences they have with significant others in their lives. Mommy and daddy label love and trust and truth for them and those labels are rooted in concrete experiences with their parents.

*Learning by Natural Analogy*
Third, children (like adults) learn about the unseen, or the spiritual, by way of the scene. God often teaches has us eternal truths through the natural world. We grasp a bit of eternity through looking at the same. We learn about the shortness of life by the quick disappearance of a vapor. Jesus taught this way as we will. He said He was bread, light, water and a vine. Jesus, in His very essence, is an example of this. He is God in the flesh. God continually brings eternal truths to us in ways we can understand.

*Applying Discordant Truths*
If we consider the Impact of thesis factors we will see that many survivors exhibit this quality of thinking frozen in time by grasping the abstract through the concrete lessons of abuse and expecting the unseen to mimic what they we are taught in the seen. God is viewed through the lens of abuse. The knowledge they have appears rooted in the Word of God. Knowledge person- A child is, by definition, in process. Children are vulnerable, dependent and easily influenced. They do not know very much and are learning how relationships work, what is good, what is bad, what I means to be male or female. They are developing in every way and anything growing can be shaped. ally applied or experienced is rooted in the lessons of abuse. Consider the following examples. Sarah is five. Her parents drop her off at Sunday school every week. She learned to sing, Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Sarah’s daddy rapes her several times a week. Sometimes she gets a break because he rapes her sister instead. The song says Jesus loves her. It says He is strong. So Sarah asks Jesus to stop her daddy from hurting her and her sister. Nothing happens. Maybe Jesus is not so strong after all. Or at least, He is not as strong as her daddy. Nothing, not even Jesus can stop her daddy. The people who wrote the Bible must not have known about her daddy. A child is told to get down on her knees nightly b her bed and pray with her father. As he tucks her in he molests her, saying, Why are you such a whore that you make me do this after we have prayed? It is not difficult to see from thesis two examples what kind of spiritual lessons are being learned. It is also not hard to see what deep roots such lessons would have. You do not have to know very much about learning theory to grasp the profound Impact of such experiences on a life. The abuse, due to the intensity of the traumatic experience, shapes the control beliefs by which all other information is processed.

*The Healing Touch*
What response can a counselor or pastor give that will be powerful enough to overcome such obstacles? If simply speaking or teaching the truth is not sufficient, then what else is required? I believe that those members of the Body of Christ who have been called to walk with survivors become the representative of God to them. The reputation of God is at stake in our lives. We are called to live out in the seen, in flesh and blood, what is true about who God is. From Proposition to Encounter Early on in my work with survivors I worked with a woman who had been chronically abused and who seemed unable to really grasp Gods great love for her. She could recite the Scriptures about that love but it seemed to apply to others and not to her. I clearly remember getting down on my knees and begging God to help her see that He loved her. His response to me was basically this: You want her to understand how much I love her? Then you go love her in a way that demonstrates my love that makes it real to her. In other words, we are to demonstrate in the flesh the character of God over time so that who we are reveals the truth about God to the survivor. This is not in any way to deny or underestimate the power of the Word of God. However, often that Word needs to be fleshed out and not just spoken for us to truly grasp what it means. Coming to the Cross The second thing I do with survivors is to help them put down deep roots in the story of the crucifixion. I find it effective to do this work much later in the counseling process in part because through the relationship they have developed with me (though far from perfect) they are much better able to grasp the truths of the Word of God. If I have entered into their suffering they can better understand Gods entrance into their suffering. If I have been safe then they can better grasp God as their refuge. Out of their experience in the scene world they can better comprehend what is true in the unseen.

Grappling with some of the truths of the cross is critical because the cross is the only place one can go to reconcile the truth of abuse and a loving God who hates evil. The evil that has been done to them, the love of God for them and the holiness of God, all come together in the cross. We usually begin at a place where they are struggling to understand why God has allowed a particular thing to happen. I then suggest a small portion of Scripture (often just one or two verses) and send them home to read it daily, asking God what He would teach them. For example, I gave the John 19:23 to a woman who had been repeatedly gang-raped as a teen. In that verse it says, and the soldiers took his clothe has. She returned the next week saying over and over, They took his clothe has, the took his clothe has. I never saw that before. She saw for the first time that Christ knew what she felt for He had entered into her suffering and humiliation. It was a real turning point. The cross demonstrates the extent of the evil done to them. The cross demonstrates the infinite love of God for them. The cross deals with the sins of the survivor.

It covers sinning, being sinned against and suffering. This is not work I do for my clients. It is work that arises naturally out of our discussions together and it is work I direct them to do. It has far more power in it when they wrestle with the Scriptures before God when they wrestle with the very God who comes alive in their suffering and waIt’s to see what He will teach them. When He speaks in this supernatural context, the truth goes in. Wonderful Work This work is both difficult and a great privilege. The task of serving as a representative of God so that His character can be grasped and believed is far beyond any capability of yours or mine. It is the healing touch of God himself. It is a work that will take ally applied or experienced is rooted in the lessons of abuse. Consider the following examples. Sarah is five. Her parents drop her off at Sunday school every week. She learned to sing, Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong. Sarah’s daddy rapes her several times a week. Sometimes she gets a break because he rapes her sister instead. The song says Jesus loves her. It says He is strong. So Sarah asks Jesus to stop her daddy from hurting her and her sister. Nothing happens. Maybe Jesus is not so strong after all. Or at least, He is not as strong as her daddy. Nothing, not even Jesus can stop her daddy. The people who wrote the Bible must not have known about her daddy. A child is told to get down on her knees nightly b her bed and pray with her father. As he tucks her in the molests her, saying, Why are you such a whore that you make me do this after we have prayed? It is not difficult to see from thesis two examples what kind of spiritual lessons are being learned. It is also not hard to see what deep roots such lessons would have. You do not have to know very much about learning theory to grasp the profound Impact of such experiences on a life. The abuse, due to the intensity of the traumatic experience, shapes the control beliefs by which all other information is processed. The Healing Touch What response can a counselor or pastor give that will be powerful enough to overcome such obstacles? If simply speaking or teaching the truth is not sufficient, then what else is required? I believe that those members of the Body of Christ who have been called to walk with survivors become the representative of God to them. The reputation of God is at stake in our lives. We are called to live out in the seen, in flesh and blood, what is true about who God is.

*From Proposition to Encounter*
Early on in my work with survivors I worked with a woman who had been chronically abused and who seemed unable to really grasp Gods great love for her. She could recite the Scriptures about that love but it seemed to apply to others and not to her. I clearly remember getting down on my knees and begging God to help her see that He loved her. His response to me was basically this: You want her to understand how much I love her? Then you go love her in a way that demonstrates my love, that makes it real to her. In other words, we are to demonstrate in the flesh the character of God over time so that who we are reveals the truth about God to the survivor. This is not in any way to deny or underestimate the power of the Word of God. However, often that Word needs to be fleshed out and not just spoken for us to truly grasp what it means.

*Coming to the Cross*
The second thing I do with survivors is to help them put down deep roots in the story of the crucifixion. I find it effective to do this work much later in the counseling process in part because through the relationship they have developed with me (though far from perfect) they are much better able to grasp the truths of the Word of God. If I have entered into their suffering they can better understand Gods entrance into their suffering. If I have been safe then they can better grasp God as their refuge. Out of their experience in the seen world they can better comprehend what is true in the unseen. Grappling with some of the truths of the cross is critical because the cross is the only place one can go to reconcile the truth of abuse and a loving God who hates evil. The evil that has been done to them, the love of God for them and the holiness of God, all come together in the cross. We usually begin at a place where they are struggling to understand why God has allowed a particular thing to happen. I then suggest a small portion of Scripture (often just one or two verses) and send them home to read it daily, asking God what He would teach them. For example, I gave the John 19:23 to a woman who had been repeatedly gang-raped as a teen. In that verse it says, and the soldiers took his clothe has. She returned the next week saying over and over, They took his clothe has, the took his clothe has. I never saw that before. She saw for the first time that Christ knew what she felt for He had entered into her suffering and humiliation. It was a real turning point. The cross demonstrates the extent of the evil done to them. The cross demonstrates the infinite love of God for them. The cross deals with the sins of the survivor. It covers sinning, being sinned against and suffering. This is not work I do for my clients. It is work that arises naturally out of our discussions together and it is work I direct them to do. It has far more power in it when they wrestle with the Scriptures before God when they wrestle with the very God who comes alive in their suffering and wait’s to see what He will teach them. When He speaks in this supernatural context, the truth goes in. Online Christian Counseling is a nice way to get suggestions.

*Wonderful Work*
This work is both difficult and a great privilege. The task of serving as a representative of God so that His character can be grasped and believed is far beyond any capability of yours or mine. It is the healing touch of God himself. It is a work that will take us to our knees if we will let it. It is a work that will make our hearts hungry for more God, so that we might bring His presence in very concrete ways into places where He has not yet been known.

Discover 8 Primary Causes of Sexual Deficit and How to Resolve Your Lack of Sexual Gratification

I love my spouse but the lack of sexual gratification is slowly driving a wedge between us. What can I do to save my sexless marriage? If this is your situation, you are not alone, help is here. In this article, I will talk about ways to save your sexless marriage and stop you from having an affair. Sex is an important part of marriage and the lack thereof can break a marriage.While it is true that we all differ in our sexual desires from time to time, we must however make sure that those differences are not affecting our intimacy.

There are a number of reasons why a couple’s sexual life dwindles over time but these very reasons may end up snuffing out the love you feel for each other.

That said, below are some things that kill sexual desire.

1. Body odor-disgusting odors are a huge sexual turn off. Good personal hygiene are essential to get rid of body and vaginal odors.

2. Mouth odor-practice meticulous oral hygiene to prevent bad breath and stop your embarrassment.

3. Tiredness and lack of energy- if it becomes a long-term problem, it will affect your quality of life and daily activities.

4. Children- couples may shy away from sex once they start having children. It is important to make time for each other away from the kids so as to keep the marriage fires burning.

5. Lack of enough sleep

6. Exhaustion

7. Depression – a depressed spouse may give up on life hence it is important to address the issue early enough so as to prevent terrible consequences.

8. Biological changes such as when a woman is in menopause

If these are some reasons why your sex life is in the doldrums, then you need to decide to do something about it before it’s too late. How do you solve the above problems so you can save your sexless marriage

If lack of sleep is a problem that makes you tired and uninterested in sex, then you should see a sleep specialist to help you out. You owe your marriage that. Do the best you can to wash and brush morning and evening so you don’t emit bad odors that turn your partner off. If halitosis and body odor are a problem, again see a physician to help you out.

When you are depressed, you lose interest in everything, so seeing a therapist might help, plus it is important that you have good nutrition and exercise so your energy levels don’t drop.

If you are struggling with intimacy in your marriage, try talking openly about it and if you still can’t figure out what the reasons for your sexless marriage are, then consider seeing a professional counselor for help. It might be that psychological reasons are the culprit. One of you may have suffered sex abuse in childhood, thus making dealing with sexual intimacy hard as it will trigger memories of a horrid past.

If you are depriving your partner of sex just for selfish reasons or because you don’t feel like, you are setting your marriage up for failure. Stop your sexless marriage and learn to practice generous giving of your bodies to one another. Live unselfishly, serving your spouse through your sex life, make a conscious effort to spice up your sexual life and you will both reap the rewards.